Bittersweet

As we enter August, I'm filled with mixed emotions. Our two year anniversary approaches and I'm happier than ever with my dear husband. That also means we approach little Eli's first birthday. While its so great to see him grow and evolve, it's difficult to see it at the same time. It's a reminder that not only has someone gotten pregnant AND had a baby, but now that baby is one YEAR old in the time that we've been actively STCing. It's heartbreaking to me at the same time as it is exciting to see my little dude, Eli, become a big boy.

I'm getting nervous for this upcoming cycle because why would this one end any different than any other? Nothing seems to work and it's impossible to rack my brain around a reason. If this IUI doesn't work, we're back at square one yet again because we won't be able to afford another $1500 cycle for a while. I'm hoping to get some cheaper meds to help out with everything, so that would be nice. I don't get why infertility is seen as a CHOICE in the insurance industry. It's not a boob job or tummy tuck! It's a serious medical condition and why should we not be able to have a child because of unexplained medical conditions???

Mini rant: Oh and yesterday in church was a literal pregnant girl parade. I think my jaw dropped because one girl walked in and 30 seconds later, there were 4 in a row like a serious parade!! Sometimes it just hits you in the face when you least expect it. Oh and this larger lady also walked in with an infant in a sling....however, the sling was down by her waist like a purse thrown across your opposite shoulder. The baby was flopping around with each step as her leg bumped it! Um...a sling should be worn up close to your chest so you can support the baby and comfort him/her. Poor child. :(

So, bittersweet time is upon us. We'll make it through it together, as we always do. It's stressful, but that's to be expected. I really like our new RE so I'm hopeful he'll be able to help us get pregnant one of these days. Hopefully, sooner, than later!