Wow! It's been a whirlwind of a week! And I have meant to post before now, but I just haven't had time! Last Saturday was my first u/s and b/w and at that time I had four follies! Three on the right and one on the left. Doc was pleased with those and said to continue with my medication as I had been. I went back on Monday for another check. Now, as I suspected, just two good follies on the right side and they hadn't grown any. :( So we doubled up on the injections and went back on Wednesday. On Wednesday they had grown some, but not both mature yet. The nurse thought we would continue with meds and IUI would be on Friday or Saturday. Well, she called back a few hours later and said I'm ovulating on my own! WOAH! And we had to do this NOW! I was freaking out because I thought we were right on track, but she said to either go back in that afternoon for the IUI, or trigger NOW and go in the morning for the IUI. I asked if they thought I could wait til morning, she asked the doc, and said "yes."
So, nervous as I can be, I left work, again, rushed home, and we figured out the trigger shot and did it around 1pm. I rushed back to work...again. So, the next day was a roller coaster for sure. We got up early and Kevin did his thing into a condom because we have had trouble missing the cup before and the nurse said it was ok to use one. Well, we rushed to Southport and got there in less than an hour and left the sample and went for breakfast. About 20 minutes later she called and said we had to come back to the office. I asked why and she said "I'll explain when you get here, but I have zero motile sperm." What the heck??!!?!?!
At this point Kevin and I started freaking out. His face went white and tears were forming. The thought of him being the reason this doesn't work is terrifying. We had already and the roller coaster of wondering if we were even timing this thing right or not....now this?? We get back and she shows us the sperm on the microscope. They were all dead :( She said we can a) try on our own or b) have Kevin try again and see what we get. We discussed it and decided Kevin would try again and we would decide after we look at them on the microscope if we proceed or not. So we left again, for an hour, while it processed.
I was being my usual Negative Nelly, and even Nurse Sherry had to tell me to be positive and she was so comforting about it also. So during that hour we distracted ourselves and tried not to think about it. When we got back and walked through the parking lot, Kevin said..."well, she didn't call us, so it must be good." I said "that, or she didn't want to tell us over the phone again!" I got a look. lol. When we walked in Sherry was smiling and said "we got enough!" I said "no way." She said, "I'll show you! I have a good sample!"
Whew!! Now keep in mind, there was only an hour and a half between samples, so I expected the count to be low. We looked at these on the screen and man! Those dude were swimming like crazy! Kevin was so proud. Sherry said we had 20 million and about 75% of them were motile!! OMG! This was the best sample we've had ever! So crazy! Kevin said he was gonna have a talk with those nonswimmers, and she said that was normal and ok. He said he had a pep talk w/ those guys so he was glad they came through. Haha. She didn't measure morphology, but I didn't see any malformed ones on the screen, so yay!
She was so good with the IUI also and I just had some minor cramping afterwards and for the first time, no spotting! She told me to lie there for 15 minutes and she'd watch the clock for me and for me to relax. As we left she told us that we had to call her in two weeks when we test and get that BFP. :) She was sweet and so helpful...and Kevin liked her and he never likes anyone in this process.
So, now we wait. Sigh. I go in on Friday for my progesterone check and test a week later. We all know how much we hate doing that! For the first time, we feel like we have a chance in this working. Kevin's numbers were so good, we feel like we timed it right, and we trust our doc and nurses. Plus, I guess since this is our last shot for a long while, we just feel like it should work! If not, we are done til at least after the first of the year.
Things I'm doing in the meantime....drinking a glass of red wine each time to increase blood flow to the uterus, taking baby aspirin, drinking more water, eating pineapple, starting yoga, taking my met and nasty prometrium, and BDing to help with implantation. The sacrifices we make! HA!!
Now begins the waiting game......
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Mixed Emotions
Eh...where to start. Well, how about I start w/ the specifics of the cycle....we are starting this IUI cycle now. I went for my CD3 bloodwork and u/s today and no cysts, and bloodwork was all good to go. I start Menopur injections tomorrow in my stomach...OUCH! Continue those and go back on Saturday for another u/s and bloodwork. At that time we'll see if my meds need to be increased or if we are right on track. Then we'll go back next week to check and see when to trigger and when the IUI will be. My glucose test was borderline, so the doctor put me on something to help with that also.
Now, onto the not so great part. I'm so mad, sad, and frustrated at myself mostly. Apparently, I didn't get the whole picture when I was figuring out the costs for this cycle and our "cheaper" doc, will actually be lots more expensive. Almost twice as much as before. :( I"m not going to go into specifics but it's a lot and we are still trying to figure it all out. I am selling my birthday present of awesome tickets to a concert I wanted to see to help out.
It's frustrating to see how much money, money we don't have, we have spent on this process. And we have nothing to show for it either. Just sucks. So it's hard to be excited about this month being any different. I KNOW God has a plan for us, and we just pray HIS plan includes a baby for us at this time. If not, we are back to square one with no options of moving forward in the process. Its just too much money, energy, and heartache.
So, we appreciate all the prayers for this month to have a happy ending for us!! Happy about the costs or not, we've already spent too much to cancel at this point. Love you all!!
Now, onto the not so great part. I'm so mad, sad, and frustrated at myself mostly. Apparently, I didn't get the whole picture when I was figuring out the costs for this cycle and our "cheaper" doc, will actually be lots more expensive. Almost twice as much as before. :( I"m not going to go into specifics but it's a lot and we are still trying to figure it all out. I am selling my birthday present of awesome tickets to a concert I wanted to see to help out.
It's frustrating to see how much money, money we don't have, we have spent on this process. And we have nothing to show for it either. Just sucks. So it's hard to be excited about this month being any different. I KNOW God has a plan for us, and we just pray HIS plan includes a baby for us at this time. If not, we are back to square one with no options of moving forward in the process. Its just too much money, energy, and heartache.
So, we appreciate all the prayers for this month to have a happy ending for us!! Happy about the costs or not, we've already spent too much to cancel at this point. Love you all!!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Bittersweet
As we enter August, I'm filled with mixed emotions. Our two year anniversary approaches and I'm happier than ever with my dear husband. That also means we approach little Eli's first birthday. While its so great to see him grow and evolve, it's difficult to see it at the same time. It's a reminder that not only has someone gotten pregnant AND had a baby, but now that baby is one YEAR old in the time that we've been actively STCing. It's heartbreaking to me at the same time as it is exciting to see my little dude, Eli, become a big boy.
I'm getting nervous for this upcoming cycle because why would this one end any different than any other? Nothing seems to work and it's impossible to rack my brain around a reason. If this IUI doesn't work, we're back at square one yet again because we won't be able to afford another $1500 cycle for a while. I'm hoping to get some cheaper meds to help out with everything, so that would be nice. I don't get why infertility is seen as a CHOICE in the insurance industry. It's not a boob job or tummy tuck! It's a serious medical condition and why should we not be able to have a child because of unexplained medical conditions???
Mini rant: Oh and yesterday in church was a literal pregnant girl parade. I think my jaw dropped because one girl walked in and 30 seconds later, there were 4 in a row like a serious parade!! Sometimes it just hits you in the face when you least expect it. Oh and this larger lady also walked in with an infant in a sling....however, the sling was down by her waist like a purse thrown across your opposite shoulder. The baby was flopping around with each step as her leg bumped it! Um...a sling should be worn up close to your chest so you can support the baby and comfort him/her. Poor child. :(
So, bittersweet time is upon us. We'll make it through it together, as we always do. It's stressful, but that's to be expected. I really like our new RE so I'm hopeful he'll be able to help us get pregnant one of these days. Hopefully, sooner, than later!
I'm getting nervous for this upcoming cycle because why would this one end any different than any other? Nothing seems to work and it's impossible to rack my brain around a reason. If this IUI doesn't work, we're back at square one yet again because we won't be able to afford another $1500 cycle for a while. I'm hoping to get some cheaper meds to help out with everything, so that would be nice. I don't get why infertility is seen as a CHOICE in the insurance industry. It's not a boob job or tummy tuck! It's a serious medical condition and why should we not be able to have a child because of unexplained medical conditions???
Mini rant: Oh and yesterday in church was a literal pregnant girl parade. I think my jaw dropped because one girl walked in and 30 seconds later, there were 4 in a row like a serious parade!! Sometimes it just hits you in the face when you least expect it. Oh and this larger lady also walked in with an infant in a sling....however, the sling was down by her waist like a purse thrown across your opposite shoulder. The baby was flopping around with each step as her leg bumped it! Um...a sling should be worn up close to your chest so you can support the baby and comfort him/her. Poor child. :(
So, bittersweet time is upon us. We'll make it through it together, as we always do. It's stressful, but that's to be expected. I really like our new RE so I'm hopeful he'll be able to help us get pregnant one of these days. Hopefully, sooner, than later!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
New RE Visit!!
Well, I finaly went to the new RE, Dr. Donahue at Family Beginnings this week. Kevin couldn't go because he had a last minute training to go to. I first met with the nurse and then the doc for about 40 minutes. Of course the old RE didnt' fax my complete records OR my OB info so we went through everything together so he could understand our history.
He really thought through every option for us and talked to me about each one. He said my lining was a little thin this last time and thought about doing a combined cycle w/ Clomid and Injections, but I brought up how long I've done clomid and he changed his mind. Then...he asked if I had ever had a glucose test and I said no. He said that can be related to my fibromyalgia and if I failed it then I would be at risk for m/c (miscarriage). So I'm going to do that this weekend at the local hospital.
Then we moved on to talk about the fact that he doesnt' think I'm stimulatng enough on the injectibiles because each time I've only had 2 follies release. Good point that no one else ever noticed! He'd rather me have 3 or more, which of course would increase the risk of multiples, but he didn't seem concerned with it. I liked that he's being a little more aggressive.
So, finally we decided on 10 viles of Menupor and a different trigger shot because it's stronger and has better effects. Plus progesterone suppositories. Probably monitor w/ more u/s (ultra sounds) than usual so we can up the dosage if need be. He wants Kevin to take 1000mg of Vitamins C and E. He said right now there's not a direct reason we aren't getting PG and if we go antoehr 3 IUI cycles without it working it could be a male factor or just unexplained and we might need to move onto something else. Oh, he said my FSH (ovarian reserve) is a good level so that's no concern.
So, in the end, I liked him and the fact that he was really thinking through what to do for us rather than the "typical protocol" of Follitism+trigger..etc. We could have started all this on my current cycle, but if he wants the glucose test, I'd rather get that done first and see what that comes out to be.
What sucks is I just discovered the meds alone are $700 so we are trying to figure everything out to make this work. I know he specifically wanted me on this med so we'll see what we can do for it all. I'm feeling a little hopeful again, which is good. We just can't really do too many of these cycles because of the cost. We had some help in making this one happen, so that makes a big difference!
That's our update!!
He really thought through every option for us and talked to me about each one. He said my lining was a little thin this last time and thought about doing a combined cycle w/ Clomid and Injections, but I brought up how long I've done clomid and he changed his mind. Then...he asked if I had ever had a glucose test and I said no. He said that can be related to my fibromyalgia and if I failed it then I would be at risk for m/c (miscarriage). So I'm going to do that this weekend at the local hospital.
Then we moved on to talk about the fact that he doesnt' think I'm stimulatng enough on the injectibiles because each time I've only had 2 follies release. Good point that no one else ever noticed! He'd rather me have 3 or more, which of course would increase the risk of multiples, but he didn't seem concerned with it. I liked that he's being a little more aggressive.
So, finally we decided on 10 viles of Menupor and a different trigger shot because it's stronger and has better effects. Plus progesterone suppositories. Probably monitor w/ more u/s (ultra sounds) than usual so we can up the dosage if need be. He wants Kevin to take 1000mg of Vitamins C and E. He said right now there's not a direct reason we aren't getting PG and if we go antoehr 3 IUI cycles without it working it could be a male factor or just unexplained and we might need to move onto something else. Oh, he said my FSH (ovarian reserve) is a good level so that's no concern.
So, in the end, I liked him and the fact that he was really thinking through what to do for us rather than the "typical protocol" of Follitism+trigger..etc. We could have started all this on my current cycle, but if he wants the glucose test, I'd rather get that done first and see what that comes out to be.
What sucks is I just discovered the meds alone are $700 so we are trying to figure everything out to make this work. I know he specifically wanted me on this med so we'll see what we can do for it all. I'm feeling a little hopeful again, which is good. We just can't really do too many of these cycles because of the cost. We had some help in making this one happen, so that makes a big difference!
That's our update!!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
So....this is a bit new to me, this blog and message board deal. But I must say that it has been a blessing for my wife in dealing with such a difficult time in our lives. At first, I didn't understand the STC or Mafia group, but I have come to understand how it is an important part in my wife's life. First off, I want to thank all those girls who have supported my wife online. You have been such a blessing to her. Even though it is hard for all of you, you remain strong for each other and that is amazing. You are all wonderful women and I wish nothing but the best for all of you!!!
For those of you that know my wife, and as she has stated, she tends to be a little on the negative side ( not a knock, babe, you know its true) I am always one to look on the bright side of things. I am not much of one for self-pity or anything of that nature. There is no other option but to beat anything that comes my way. I must say this has been one of the hardest times in my life. It is not the feeling of failure or jealousy that gets me. What gets me is that I see my wife hurt and I cant fix it. That is what do, AND I CANT DO IT!!! I take pride in making my wife happy. To see her smile gives me a feeling that cannot be matched by anything else. To have something that can make her happy be totally out of my control just burns me up. My wife is a wonderful woman, and if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be half the man I am right now. What she wants is not out of the norm, not greedy. She simply wants to be a mother. Not to much to ask. She WILL be a great mother!!!
For now, we do the only thing we know how.......KEEP TRYING!!!!!
For those of you that know my wife, and as she has stated, she tends to be a little on the negative side ( not a knock, babe, you know its true) I am always one to look on the bright side of things. I am not much of one for self-pity or anything of that nature. There is no other option but to beat anything that comes my way. I must say this has been one of the hardest times in my life. It is not the feeling of failure or jealousy that gets me. What gets me is that I see my wife hurt and I cant fix it. That is what do, AND I CANT DO IT!!! I take pride in making my wife happy. To see her smile gives me a feeling that cannot be matched by anything else. To have something that can make her happy be totally out of my control just burns me up. My wife is a wonderful woman, and if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be half the man I am right now. What she wants is not out of the norm, not greedy. She simply wants to be a mother. Not to much to ask. She WILL be a great mother!!!
For now, we do the only thing we know how.......KEEP TRYING!!!!!
The Emotional Roller Coaster
Unfortunately, this roller coaster forgot to go up to the high parts. :(
I can't begin to explain the tears and sadness we go through during this experience. It's so, so difficult and it's one of those things that if you haven't been through it, you really can't relate. The devastation of failing as a woman and a man month after month is like dealing with a heartbreak every 30 days. The wound never heals. The tears are always lurking and will fall at a small onset of what seems to be nothing to normal people. Anger is right behind those tears and frustration is anger's best friend. We both do our best to hide all these feelings in every day life, because honestly, you can't LIVE in these emotions while waiting for our miracle.
I always took pride in not being one of those emotional girls that cry all the time or at all. But NOW? Man, I cry at movies, music videos, songs, tv shows, driving in the car, etc. Just any small thing will bring up those tears I hold in all day long every day. I'm not naturally a "positive" person. I'd rather not get my hopes up about things and therefore avoid disappointment. But sometimes, that makes it harder because I start to lose hope. My mom loves to remind me about this and I appreciate her always bringing that hope into my life. Ugh, crying again! lol
One of the things that I hate is that we both start to feel frustration with God and his timing. We just don't understand it and it's hard to see why sometimes. I feel hurt and let down and those are not fun feelings to have. I cry at church, ever time I go. I so WANT to feel that hope, but more often that not, I just feel pain and sadness. So frustrating.
Now for the "bitter and jealous." We hate these terms because it's not a feeling we WANT to feel, or are proud of. It's not that we wish bad things for others, it's that our pain is so deep, it just hurts to see other pregnant women, or babies, or hear about it whe that's all our hearts desire and yet are unable to achieve. IT's sooooooooooo easy for most women, yet for us...we spend thousands of dollars on things that don't work. My dear friend, Erin, created a blinkie for us that states "I'm a STCer. Call me heartbroken, devastated, but do NOT call me bitter." I can't say it any better than this.
Now, as I said earlier, STC is something you can't fully understand unless you've walked in our shoes, but I so appreciate those that attempt to do so. Here are some comments to AVOID saying to one of us and is a reason we don't like to bring it up to just everyone.
"It will happen when it's supposed to"
"Oh it's not been that long"
"Just enjoy life right now without kids. There's no rush"
"Why even go to a doctor for this? It'll just happen at the right time"
"Don't get your hopes up if you do get PG because it'll likely end in miscarriage like mine did" (yes, this was said to me)
"I wouldn't worry about it, it's not a big deal"
"If it doesn't happen, it wasn't meant to be"
"You'll be alright, my struggle was way harder"
" Just relax and let it happen. you are stressing too much and that's the problem."
"Why do you even want kids?"
Oh, there are so many more, but these are the most frustrating ones I can think of right now. Please do NOT tell and STCer to "relax" ...trust me, we tried that for a long time before seeking medical intervention. It just doesn't always work that way.
I can't begin to explain the tears and sadness we go through during this experience. It's so, so difficult and it's one of those things that if you haven't been through it, you really can't relate. The devastation of failing as a woman and a man month after month is like dealing with a heartbreak every 30 days. The wound never heals. The tears are always lurking and will fall at a small onset of what seems to be nothing to normal people. Anger is right behind those tears and frustration is anger's best friend. We both do our best to hide all these feelings in every day life, because honestly, you can't LIVE in these emotions while waiting for our miracle.
I always took pride in not being one of those emotional girls that cry all the time or at all. But NOW? Man, I cry at movies, music videos, songs, tv shows, driving in the car, etc. Just any small thing will bring up those tears I hold in all day long every day. I'm not naturally a "positive" person. I'd rather not get my hopes up about things and therefore avoid disappointment. But sometimes, that makes it harder because I start to lose hope. My mom loves to remind me about this and I appreciate her always bringing that hope into my life. Ugh, crying again! lol
One of the things that I hate is that we both start to feel frustration with God and his timing. We just don't understand it and it's hard to see why sometimes. I feel hurt and let down and those are not fun feelings to have. I cry at church, ever time I go. I so WANT to feel that hope, but more often that not, I just feel pain and sadness. So frustrating.
Now for the "bitter and jealous." We hate these terms because it's not a feeling we WANT to feel, or are proud of. It's not that we wish bad things for others, it's that our pain is so deep, it just hurts to see other pregnant women, or babies, or hear about it whe that's all our hearts desire and yet are unable to achieve. IT's sooooooooooo easy for most women, yet for us...we spend thousands of dollars on things that don't work. My dear friend, Erin, created a blinkie for us that states "I'm a STCer. Call me heartbroken, devastated, but do NOT call me bitter." I can't say it any better than this.
Now, as I said earlier, STC is something you can't fully understand unless you've walked in our shoes, but I so appreciate those that attempt to do so. Here are some comments to AVOID saying to one of us and is a reason we don't like to bring it up to just everyone.
"It will happen when it's supposed to"
"Oh it's not been that long"
"Just enjoy life right now without kids. There's no rush"
"Why even go to a doctor for this? It'll just happen at the right time"
"Don't get your hopes up if you do get PG because it'll likely end in miscarriage like mine did" (yes, this was said to me)
"I wouldn't worry about it, it's not a big deal"
"If it doesn't happen, it wasn't meant to be"
"You'll be alright, my struggle was way harder"
" Just relax and let it happen. you are stressing too much and that's the problem."
"Why do you even want kids?"
Oh, there are so many more, but these are the most frustrating ones I can think of right now. Please do NOT tell and STCer to "relax" ...trust me, we tried that for a long time before seeking medical intervention. It just doesn't always work that way.
Our Inferitlity Journey
Well, after watching several of my STC (Struggling to Conceive) friend's mark their journey's via blogging, I decided to join in. As we start to approach our 2 year mark of STC, I find myself looking back at all we've been through and wish I had documents the trials, emotions and pain we went through, as well as the kind words, hugs and tears we shared with friends and family. So, I thought now was as good as time as any to do so.
Our journey began in October 2007, shortly after our wedding. When we started we just thought I'd go off birth control and we'd see what happened. Well, after a few months of nothing, I started to chart my cycles and symptoms and noticed a problem in the latter part of my cycle. So, in March 2008 I went to a doctor to discuss this. He diagnosed me with a Luteal Phase Defect (LPD) and started me on Clomid. We were so excited because this was SURE just going to make it happen. Uh...no. After four more months of Clomid, we did a few more tests and those were ok as well. We planned for our first IUI ( Inter Uterine Insemination) in October 2008, combining Clomid and injections. That failed as well.
Because of cysts developing from this procedures and the meds, we were on a forced meds break the next month. That put us in December. We decided it best to not do another IUI because of the timing...oh yes, it would have been on Christmas. Not ideal to fit in driving to Richmond to see the doctor in between family times.
Then onto January, we again decided to take a break because we knew we were moving in February and thought it best to move on to a specialist. The doctor I was seeing in Richmond was very nice and helpful, but was simply an OB/GYN. His knowledge was limited and I didn't feel comfortable just to continue trying the same thing over and over.
So, in March 2009, we sought out a RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) in Carmel and discussed our next move. We set up and IUI with injections and progertone for April 2009. This cost us a few thousand dollars out of our pockets because insurance sees inferitliy as a choice and your problem. JERKS!
For once, in a long long time, we both had hope that this would work. We thought everything was just falling into place for us at this time. *sigh* We also discussed NOT taking a test until it had been a long time because we HATE seeing those BFNs (Big Fat Negatives), and one of us is known for throwing them in disgust. Finally, after 20 days after the IUI, we took a test which was all too familiar. ... a BFN. We cried, threw things, hit walls, and was angry at the world. Just stunned and at a loss for hope.
What was really bad timing on our part is that this was Mother's Day weekend and the same day as our adorable nephew's Baby Dedication. Needless to say, we had a difficult time at church with all the babies and their stories. We made it through Eli's part, but I lost it when the next couple started off their story by talking about miscarriages and STC. For some reason, I DON'T feel the hope with these stories that others do. I guess because I don't want to hear about me having more years, or to have a loss, or harder times. Anyway, I looked over at Kevin and he was crying as well. We just had to leave. :( I hated to do that, but thankfully my family understood.
So, here we are. We could not afford to do another IUI so soon after that one and our wonderful family stepped up with some generous offers to assist in paying for it! We were both floored and felt their love and support in this. Even with this help, we still need to save some more money for meds and doc visits, so we decided to wait until August to do another one. However, we are contemplating switching RE's for a few reasons. 1. Cost. There's another RE office that's further away, but most likely a great deal cheaper. 2. I just am not sure we feel like they really care about us as a couple. IDK, we'll see what to do next.
So for June and July, I have some top secret meds from a friend of mine that will help me with my LPD so these cycles will be bearable for me. (Thanks Sam!) And we are both working on getting healthier as well. That's the story!
Our journey began in October 2007, shortly after our wedding. When we started we just thought I'd go off birth control and we'd see what happened. Well, after a few months of nothing, I started to chart my cycles and symptoms and noticed a problem in the latter part of my cycle. So, in March 2008 I went to a doctor to discuss this. He diagnosed me with a Luteal Phase Defect (LPD) and started me on Clomid. We were so excited because this was SURE just going to make it happen. Uh...no. After four more months of Clomid, we did a few more tests and those were ok as well. We planned for our first IUI ( Inter Uterine Insemination) in October 2008, combining Clomid and injections. That failed as well.
Because of cysts developing from this procedures and the meds, we were on a forced meds break the next month. That put us in December. We decided it best to not do another IUI because of the timing...oh yes, it would have been on Christmas. Not ideal to fit in driving to Richmond to see the doctor in between family times.
Then onto January, we again decided to take a break because we knew we were moving in February and thought it best to move on to a specialist. The doctor I was seeing in Richmond was very nice and helpful, but was simply an OB/GYN. His knowledge was limited and I didn't feel comfortable just to continue trying the same thing over and over.
So, in March 2009, we sought out a RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) in Carmel and discussed our next move. We set up and IUI with injections and progertone for April 2009. This cost us a few thousand dollars out of our pockets because insurance sees inferitliy as a choice and your problem. JERKS!
For once, in a long long time, we both had hope that this would work. We thought everything was just falling into place for us at this time. *sigh* We also discussed NOT taking a test until it had been a long time because we HATE seeing those BFNs (Big Fat Negatives), and one of us is known for throwing them in disgust. Finally, after 20 days after the IUI, we took a test which was all too familiar. ... a BFN. We cried, threw things, hit walls, and was angry at the world. Just stunned and at a loss for hope.
What was really bad timing on our part is that this was Mother's Day weekend and the same day as our adorable nephew's Baby Dedication. Needless to say, we had a difficult time at church with all the babies and their stories. We made it through Eli's part, but I lost it when the next couple started off their story by talking about miscarriages and STC. For some reason, I DON'T feel the hope with these stories that others do. I guess because I don't want to hear about me having more years, or to have a loss, or harder times. Anyway, I looked over at Kevin and he was crying as well. We just had to leave. :( I hated to do that, but thankfully my family understood.
So, here we are. We could not afford to do another IUI so soon after that one and our wonderful family stepped up with some generous offers to assist in paying for it! We were both floored and felt their love and support in this. Even with this help, we still need to save some more money for meds and doc visits, so we decided to wait until August to do another one. However, we are contemplating switching RE's for a few reasons. 1. Cost. There's another RE office that's further away, but most likely a great deal cheaper. 2. I just am not sure we feel like they really care about us as a couple. IDK, we'll see what to do next.
So for June and July, I have some top secret meds from a friend of mine that will help me with my LPD so these cycles will be bearable for me. (Thanks Sam!) And we are both working on getting healthier as well. That's the story!
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